Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Who wants to be a millionaire?

If you want to be a millionaire, I know of a specific item, which once designed and put into production, will end up in every office across the nation. I don't want any of the glory or cash for the invention, I just want you to create this for me, and millions of sufferers.

Are you ready?

Create an air filter you can put in a microwave, that will take out the nasty fish smell before it escapes and causes the whole office to hurl.

Simple. Brilliant. You will make millions

Oh, and also the nauseating smell of burnt popcorn (along with all those carcinogens we heard were in Microwave popcorn), also whatever was heated up that made everything smell like wet feet.(I don't want to know) Funky cheesy smells, onions, garlic, whatever. All the nasty smells people who share an office kitchen have to face to use the microwave.

Don't tell me to clean it, that doesn't stop the SMELL! Once the microwave fan starts, any smelly thing percolating in there gets spread in a 50 mile radius! It's especially bad in the morning. (WHO EATS STINKY FISH AT 8AM!!! SERIOUSLY!)
You already feel bad (you had to come to work at O dark 30 in the morning), and the one thing you look forward to is that cup of coffee or tea, but to get it you have to brave the kitchen and it's bevy of mystery leftover reheats.

One office I worked in barred fish, smelly things and microwave popcorn. It was wonderful! It happened because we had 3 pregnant women, who informed management they could either deal with a lot of throwing up, or not allow stinky things in the microwave. Hey, whatever works.

Seriously though, for the good of office workers everywhere, someone invent this!

Chivalry is dead...

This weekend I attended the Maryland Renaissance Festival in Crownsville. Good fun, I go every year. It was the last weekend, and the theme was 'Chivalry'.
Everyone was dressed up in their Lords, Ladies, and knight costumes. The music was wonderful, food was good, lots of bowing, and 'My Lady' going around.

It was the picture of medieval elegance..until you had to answer natures call. (key somber theme music)The Maryland Renn Fest has several areas of Port-o-potties set up. Open to all, and lots of them. Usually not any worse experience than your usual temp potty. But this weekend I was presented with not one, not two, but multiples (yes, I kept trying to find a clean one)of potties where some guy thought it hilariously funny to pee all over the entire potty. Yes, I know it was a guy, or group of guys, women can't aim up that high unless we have spider powers and can hang from the ceiling.

Now I can understand a bit of drippage, it happens to all of us, but where is the amusement in nastying up the whole thing? If you are so drunk you can't aim your willy, time to go home mister! So a total mess is left for the next poor female, hampered by 7 skirts, 2 belts and an assortment of cups and pouches, who has to try to clean it off with the 1 ply insta-shred toilet paper (that is if the 'jokester' hasn't also thrown that in the potty) all while holding back what feels like 30 gallons of beer and meade ready for an exit. Then use the potty while vainly trying to not touch anything with all the costume.

What happened to chivalry? It drowned this past weekend in a golden shower.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Bail out who??

Just answer one question for me, why are we bailing out these corporations, to the tune of billions of dollars? Since when did fiscal irresponsibility and fraud become a reason to take money from hard working honest taxpayers and give it to corporations who pay top executives millions in golden parachutes and send officers on spa vacations? Did you think we wouldn't find out about the WaMu exec, who worked for 17 days, and left with 20 mil? This article by Johnathon Turley notes a who's who list of execs who walked out lining their pockets with gold.

What about AIG, who received 86 billion in bailout funds, but a week later sends execs on a $440k trip to a posh CA resort. Article According to AIG the trip was for salesmen who 'Earned the reward'. Did they not get paychecks? If they were selling so well, why did the company have to scrounge money from the US taxpayer?

Lets see, I feel I deserve a trip to the Bahamas, I've earned it. So why don't I take that trip, blow all that cash, and just hit up my neighbors when I get back for money to pay my mortgage and bills. Sure, that will work.

If you want to bail someone out, I can agree with that, but lets find someone who deserves it. I vote for my favorite locally owned market. They did good business, were close enough to walk to, they catered to elderly and handicapped, and they prided themselves on fresh produce and eclectic other offerings. Their lease came up, and the property owner more than doubled the amount. The owner did the math, and realized they couldn't operate at a profit with that rent. So they closed. Now folk in that area have to walk several miles or ride the bus to a market. Many part time workers who were making it with the job there, are looking for work. I vote we bail them out. A small rent subsidy would have kept them in business.

What about local farmers? Many areas have had severe drought. Some farmers haven't gotten a good crop in a couple of years. Many have had to sell out. Lets bail some farmers out. Keep local produce at the stands, save some green space in our urbanization. Hey, everybody wins! (except that developer who wanted to pave it over and put up condos).

What about public transportation? With the gas crunch, a lot of buses, trains, planes are cutting back, because they simply can't buy the fuel. Lets give them a piece of the pie. If we keep public transportation going, them more people can use it. More folks using public transportation means fewer on the roads using gas and emitting those pesky greenhouse gases. Everyone wins again.

I would have no problem with digging a bit deeper to help a fellow American in need. We are all on the same path. But I object to handing over cash to someone who has already proven they can't, and won't, use it responsibly.

Hello in Washington, are you listening?

Monday, October 06, 2008

Monday morning syndrome

For those of you of the horsey set, you know Monday Morning Syndrome as that when a draft horse has the weekend off, goes back to work Monday morning and has muscle spasms. This is caused by going from a high level of activity and calorie intake to a low level of activity without change in the feed. The horse then ties up and can have actual muscle damage.

For those not into horses, now you learned something new!

Humans don't seem to have this issue, I would say we have the opposite. We live nice, sedentary lives with office jobs, then on the weekends we turn into Rambo, Lance Armstrong, Robert Dover, and the staff from 'This Old House' all rolled into one.

This past weekend, my husband and I decided to 'get things done'. This included serious yard work (moving bushes, pruning, digging a flower bed, putting down gravel on a path) a lot of house work (cleaning, organizing, bringing things down from the attic, putting things up in the attic, rearranging furniture and pictures) and at the last minute, a fast ride on the horses in the brisk autumn air.

Today, I can't move without pain. Neck, back, arms, legs, they all hurt. I feel 90 million years old, not the forty-something I really am. I took painkillers last night and this morning. Everything is creaking and popping, I can't turn my head to the left, and I am walking on my toes because my calves are one big knot of pain.

I think it wouldn't have been quite this bad, except for our spur of the moment decision to take our fat, sassy, and snorty horses out for a ride right before dark. They hadn't been ridden in weeks, it was cold (which always fills them with energy) and right at dusk, when all the horse-eating dragons come out. Wrestling with them managed to pull every muscle we have, so now we are walking like stiff zombies from a b-movie.

I say we, because my husband was party to this madness, and was hobbling this morning too. It's the real reason I hate Mondays, not because of work, but because of weekend fallout.

We will probably do it next weekend too.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Blogtations: just good wholesome fun!

As is usual in the blogisphere, I found Blogtations by clicking on interesting links from other blogs. It's an excellent way to find hidden jewels. (kind of like a video game, yeah..)When I come across diamonds, I have to sit and read the whole thing. That certainly happened with Blogtations.

Currently on Blogtations, you are supposed to pick your favorite quote, and post it on your blog. No problem, as a newbie to the blog world, I'm thrilled anyone helps me come up with a topic! But, it's a hard choice! There are so many really good ones! Do I go for humor? or for poignant? the slice of life? I decided to post the one I most wanted on a t-shirt, which as we all know is the true measure of a writer, that something you said ended up on a t-shirt being sold on Cafe Press.

Let me warn you that today I am sporting PMS colored glasses.
~Can't Remember Diddly!
Link to quote.

Yeah, I need that on a shirt, preferably hot pink.

So, Blogtations, happy 500th, and for my 3 loyal readers, go enjoy some of the best of the web. All compressed and listed for your enjoyment.